The Last Post

Leaving is so hard. I don't know if saying goodbye is easier when you feel the reality of it to the pit of your stomache, or if each time you become a little more numb to it until you're hardly phased... Unfortunately I will have several opportunities to find out.

I don't know if me leaving home was because I needed to get away, or because I needed to discover apart of myself that couldn't stretch it's legs inside of a classroom, church or at home. It's hard to understand life in its progress, it takes a bit of separation from the ordinary to find some clarity. I needed to leave my thoughts, friends, family and all my "known" behind to come back with my eyes a bit more open.

I don't think I ever knew that it was about changing my world. Maybe you knew that all along, Mom and Dad. Maybe you already knew before I left that it was only the prologue of the book I am in the process of writing. Thanks for letting me go. And thank you for letting me come home. Thank you for releasing me to leave and come home again when my feet need to go barefoot once more. I love you.

Mom, I remember one morning while you were flipping pancakes you told me, "Steph, I really hope you find your voice in writing again. It was beautiful." At the time I thought nothing of it, but you spoke that over my life nonetheless and I want to thank you, because I think I have. God has given me a peace over my thoughts and a confidence over my words that I have never had before, and I'm excited to see where that develops.

Life is more than clothes and cars and a new flavor of toothpaste, that it is community and creation and beauty and humanity. And I think I am starting to prefer the latter to the former; by that I mean I am getting used to not having any music or television and not pulling over and buying something as a way of feeling some kind of change. There is a serenity in life, after all, and once a withdrawl is felt at having left the lies behind, a soul begins to feel at home in it's own skin. - Donald Miller

The other day I had to say a hard goodbye to a bunch of my friends including my big brother. It was tough, and I realized that this season of my life really is over. I have found that in times like this it is easier to see the end, not the new beginning because there is always this dark area inbetween full of doubt, displacement and confusion. After saying our goodbyes, the next thing I know I find myself bundled up in my sleeping bag on Nobbi's beach watching the sunrise.

This season is over, it finishes reluctantly and even in the midst of my anticipation of going home, I miss this place. I miss the people, environment, accents and what could have been had I stayed longer. I'm not going to try to summarize this experience, or the foul taste I've carried for the past week, but I do know, that even though it's dark in the period between dusk and dawn, the sunrise is always faithful, and always beautiful.

Vagara na nomu bula

Tourists come to J-bay to live the high life of good surf and cheap drugs. So many of the local people have such a skewed impression of white people and Americans because they come here to take their luxury vacations, flaunt their money and leave. Meanwhile, there is a whole culture that has fallen through the cracks of recognition and live under the heels of the ignorant and uncaring. Tonight I climbed into this hole and broke bread with the street kids of Jeffreys Bay.

It was dark, cold and the sky was clear as we pulled into a vacant parking lot and got out of the van. It was obviously by divine appointment that we arrived at this time and place because we hadn’t even crossed the carpark when a drunk, wounded Afrikaans man crawled across the street slowly in our direction. My brother Zack spent a good twenty minutes trying to communicate and help this non-english speaking man while Sai and I stood protectively and cautiously nearby.
This man smelled rank of alcohol, urine and street filth, while his sweat pants held clear stains of the source of the urine smell... The information we could get out of him was that he had be beaten up by a bunch of kids --- he pointed in the direction they had gone, so we went off to try and find them because our outreach contact said he had relationship with them.

And so I meet Jonathan, Chris, james, Leon and Colat. These boys are legit street kids ranging. from age 13-16. They are orphans, thieves, barefoot and sleep on the concrete, yet they are awesome kids. It turns out that the previous man had stolen blankets from the boys-- their only source of warmth on the FREEZING nights-- and so the boys had went to get them back when the man pulled out a knife and grabbed one of them. So defending themselves, they knocked the man out and took their blankets back.

We bought the boys a loaf of bread and bologna, sat down on the curb and talked with them for a long while.

I don’t know if this awakened a part of my heart, or broke it, but something in me stirred....

As we were talking to the boys, and they were challenging us to a break dancing duel (which we adamantly refused) God challenged my faith and sincerity. I kept wanting to give up the jacket on my back, but my mind kept making lame excuses: “It’d be awkward or offensive” or “I only have one other hoodie, and it’s freezing and it will always be wet...” etc. Basically what I’m trying to say is that I needed to get over myself!
As we were leaving, I shrugged off my jumper and gave it to the smaller of the boys who was wearing just a t-shirt, shorts and one shoe. He gave me a huge smile and very sincere “thank you”, as as I walked away, he put it on, donned the hood and started dancing and swinging around the street poles.

Driving home thirty minutes later, I saw him dragging a piece of cardboard behind a building where he would curl up and shiver the night through in a large, blue hoodie.

Oh dear, mankind has got a long way to go.
If I, a missionary in training who will “dibs” the most unappealing job and lay down my rights to sleep, food, rest and privacy for 6 months in an attempt to be others-centered, can’t even recognize the cry of fellow flesh and blood because my ears are so accustomed to hearing “me me me me!”----Hmm... I think we all need to wake up. I am beginning to see things, but I think it will take much longer for me to start to understand the many "whys" and tendencies of my own heart.

We ended the night by stopping at a secluded beach and going star tripping. Star tripping is where one person looks at the stars and spins around in circles very quickly, and then another person shines a flash light at them and yells, “run to the light!” The spinner locks their eyes on the light of the torch and tries to run towards it. Of course they fall and sway like crazy, and rarely make it to the light- it’s funny as heck to watch. I laughed so hard watching my friends do this, and didn’t laugh as hard when my turn ran me knee deep into the icy waters of the ocean. Isn't it funny that the little things can make you feel the most alive?!

Love it.

JBay Mercy Ministry

My day of outreach begins at 6:30am every morning. We finish breakfast before the sun comes up, and when it finally rises the sight is a beautiful water color painting- if the clouds over the sea don’t conceal it (and if the clouds cover, we see only a unimpressive ‘gradual lighting of the earth’ SHOUT OUT LAURA AND LAUREN!)

I will show you an example of our daily schedule based on yesterday:

After breakfast, we skip the showers and set straight into base cleanup. This YWAM base is unique, as the dining room, kitchen and lounge are all outdoors, so things get dirty very very fast. We pull weeds, pressure wash the concrete, paint the walls and fix benches. After this we went to a community where we cleaned up the trash around a community center and pulled out the thorn bushes. 3 hours and 2 dozen full garbage bags later we were about halfway done with the job. From here we go straight to an orphanage and teach english and math. Insert half an hour break for lunch. Once we’re finished with the dishes we went to another community where we started the massive project of building a house from scratch. Insert half an hour break for dinner. Before we were finished eating, we had to scrape our plates and run to sweep, mop and repair a church building where a meeting was to take place- myself and three others on my team left half way through this to hold a small group for the teenagers of the community. When we returned to the base at 9:00pm, we had to do the dishes and clean the hall after the meeting, but this was AFTER taking an hour and a half to babysit the pastor’s kids. So 11:00-11:30pm, we roll into our rooms, filthy and exhausted, and climb into our beds not to sleep, but to work on our outreach journal assignments, ministry report and book reports. Finally we go to bed around 1:ooam to wake up five hours later!

Whooah! So for those of you thinking I’m spending my time standing on street corners, or riding on top of elephant’s backs screaming: “Jesus loves you!” Let me correct your thinking! Mercy ministry is all about practical work- and the blisters on my palms is the evidence of that! We are bettering lives here- whether it be relationally, or giving them a new house and cleaner living. It’s good. It’s very good. The Bible says that to be first you must be last, and I interpret that as, to do the most important work for humankind, you’ve gotta get a little dirt under your nails!

Week 4

This week I stood on the southernmost tip of Africa. With my left foot in the Atlantic ocean, and my right foot in the Indian ocean, I faced the beach dunes of Cape Point, my back to the merging of the two oceans; I stood in awe. Friday was my “day off” but instead I decided to take the long 4 hour drive to Cape Point with my two leaders and only two other members of my team-- it was a long day, far from restful, but I believe it was the opportunity I needed to get a good dose of reality. We made the journey for the soul purpose of standing in the frigid sea waters and praying over Africa- being at the bottom of the continent as symbolism for our prayers and words to be carried up through the two oceans from Nigeria to Egypt.
Yes, perhaps it was a bit unnecessary, however, I’m coming to discover that after seeing the things I see, and working in the environments I’m working in day after day, a bit of practicality helps to ground me and reawaken my mind to comprehend that yes--little 19 year old Stephanie is far far away from home. But it’s alright! It’s a good reminder. As my friend Tyler wrote me in a letter when I left home, “The world turns fast and sooner than you know it, we’ll be saying hello again and you’ll be back home.” It’s too true, and so even when the waves of homesickness and the longing for my own bed come down on me- I can rejoice in where I stand now. It’s quite a blessing really, because even though for the past three days I’ve only eaten sauerkraut, chicken liver, rice, hot dogs and chocolate bars, and I sleep in a little room with 12 other girls and have not had a day to sleep in or a day off since I stepped foot in this country, nor have I had the luxury of showering more than twice a week -- I’ve seen that God provides everything that I need daily. He’s provided me with the food, clothing, rest and even fun to get me through everyday. Amen.

I did not plan on going off on that tangent-- sorry-- now getting on to what I’ve been doing the past week….

Language is a barrier. It’s starting to get frustrating. Sure, love is shown more through action anyways, and laughter is a universal language, but how can I share truth with those who won’t listen, and who couldn’t even if they wanted to? Yesterday we went to a colored marketplace to do street evangelism. To be completely honest, this is my least favorite thing to do, for the market is dirty and overwhelming in everyway. Pushing your way through the crowd you come across more who are drunk than sober and my team pretty much sticks out like a sore thumb, being the only people with white skin and long hair. And because we are so noticeably different, not just by our appearances but also for the mere fact that we are friendly and accepting, everyone seems to want to talk to us and touch us. The only SLIGHT problem is that these people only speak Afrikaans and we have no translator. So with smiles, gentle nods, and occasionally rough shoves and punches from our boys when necessary, we try our best to communicate.

I got into a “conversation” with a drunk homeless man who knew enough English to accuse me of supporting apartheid and coming to condemn the black and colored. As Tessa and I tried to talk with this man, we had to have several guys stand around us just in case this man got out of control because his anger towards us as white people mixed with his drunkenness was a pitiful rage. I tried to explain to him that I was not rich by any means, and just because I was American didn’t mean I was living a life of luxury. He just went on spitting and snarling about how he hated me for being in his community and that I didn’t care about people other than Americans. I tried to talk to him about forgiveness and that’s where the language barrier got in the way and our conversation died. As we drove away a while later, I saw him in the crowd as he ran after our van and waved at us as we left. There is definitely a spirit of confusion here in South Africa. Tessa and I prayed that God would provide an opportunity for this man to receive revelation on forgiveness and truth-- little did I know that in less than 12 hours we would be meeting him again!

Every Sunday we help run a service and soup kitchen at a Salvation Army church for the homeless. This particular Sunday, we came halfway through worship and stood in the back. As I came in and sat down, there was a shout from the front, and I looked to see my marketplace friend pointing and staring at me in complete shock and maybe some disgust. The sight actually made me laugh! During the service Tessa gave her testimony about growing up in poverty, and we were able to talk to the man about equality and God’s provision with an Afrikaans translation. The church pastor said the man was again very drunk, and probably wouldn’t remember our conversation in the morning-- but the man left with a new jacket, stomach full of soup and bread, a new haircut and words of truth in his heart--that’s all we can do, and I’m glad for it!
We also started going into hospitals and praying for the patients, and for three straight days we spent hours praying for a terribly ill 22 year old girl with lung cancer. My team along with the Swiss outreach team crowded around her thin, frail figure where I felt the heaviness of mortality more than I ever have before. She couldn’t open her eyes or focus, her inconsistent breathing made it impossible for her to lay comfortably and she was so thin that I could see her heartbeat shake the front of her t-shirt as it pulsed. The first day we went there we talked to Rosalie about Jesus. Rosalie. I don’t want to forget her name. We talked to Rosalie about Jesus and heaven, and she told us by slight nods that she was a believer and that she was being comforted by the Father in her pain. Even bald, thin and with dark circles under her eyes she was beautiful and peace was in her eyes. As we left that first day the doctors told us she would not last the night.
We returned the next day to find Rosalie in a similar state. She even smiled as we entered the room, and this time upon request I brought my guitar and we sang a couple songs to her. We prayed for healing, but after a while we had to leave again.

On the third day we were excited to hear that her family was requesting us to come back and continue our prayers. We got to meet her sisters and speak with her mother and father, but this day Rosalie showed no response to our words or presence. I held her hand and said a prayer whenever words would surface through my incoherent thoughts. The feeling in the room was terribly heavy, and several people on my team had tears running down their cheeks for this girl whom they had never even had a conversation with. After a two hours of being a comfort to her family and standing beside Rosalie through her pain, the tiny heartbeat in her chest slowed and I had to let go of her hand and step into the hallway as the doctors closed the curtain around her bed. Yesterday we attended her funeral upon her family’s request. It was not a terribly sad funeral, which brought much hope, for everyone rejoiced over her life and her faith and her heart. Oh yes, Rosalie is home now, and because of her testimony her family knows the comfort and the grace of The Lord. God saves.

To end on a lighter note, every Thursday we spend the day in a colored community where we work in a soup kitchen, make stew and serve it to the kids while playing soccer with them and painting their nails, etc. On our first day there, I made a friend named Robin. Robin is 11 years old, and she’s quite the dancer, but secretly she wants to grow up and be a doctor. I have spent several days with her, playing basketball, teaching her high school musical dances, learning Afrikaans songs and giving piggy back rides. Robin has a growth on her little left arm that had been cut open and had gotten infected. Every time I saw her it had grown worse because she doesn’t have the ability to go to a doctor or get the right medical supplies for it. Last week she had her entire arm bandaged and the infection was seeping through the gauze. I asked her if I could pray for it. We bowed our heads together as I asked God to heal this wound.

On Thursday, as we drove in Robin was throwing open the door to our van before the engine shut off. She pulled me off to the side and rolled the sleeve to her jumper to reveal a scar the size of a small mole. She looked at me with a big-shy smile and whispered “Jesus healed me.” I hugged her and looked again at the tiny healed scab which had been oozing with infection only 6 days before, “Yes. Yes, He did.” I’m not going to lie, I’m pretty stoked about seeing and being apart of that healing. I wonder what more is to come!

--If anyone reading these blogs has any comments, responses or questions for me about anything specific that I am doing, learning, seeing, etc. Please email me at stephmissiontrip@gmail.com. My access to internet is inconsistent, but I would still LOVE to hear from you and respond when I can!


Note to my prayer warriors back home!:

- If you could pray Ephesians 4:1-16 over my team and I, that would be awesome! This passage is soooo relevant to where I am right now as far as warfare, fatigue and areas in need of growth.
-I only have 1 week left in Worcester before the nine hour drive to Jeffreys Bay for the remainder of outreach. Pray that God ties up and shows us how to finish all the work we have put into this place and these people! Also, I’d LOVE to see God do some more crazy things--that’d be heaps cool. ;)

High School Ministry

I had been forewarned several times by my leaders that I would be stretched during outreach. That I had to get over fear of man, fear of public speaking and fear of making a fool of myself. Luckily enough I don't really struggle with the latter as it is.... but yesterday I understood why.

Yesterday my leaders, Tessa and Sai, decided that they wanted to challenge us in our independence and leadership- so the would not be doing anything or going anywhere with us. This was fine, we have Zack who acts as leader (for he is the only male) and he can take charge just fine. Not that we even need appointed leadership, for we all get along just fine. But here we go, the 7 of us in a van, with the knowledge that we would be doing a program at a high school. 45 minutes later, we walk through the doors of a high school auditorium and are standing on stage with over 1,500 students staring down at us expecantly. The only background knowlege we had about this school is that the previous day, one of the students had stabbed and killed another student. How do you address an audience like this?! Well, we didn't have much time to prepare, so we just went with everything that we had and by the end of the program, I had performed a hip hop dance, sang a hip hop song, played my guitar and led worship in another language and shared a piece of my testimony-- all before lunch. Yep, just another day! I wish I could say I had a good attitude doing all these things, but that wouldn't be the full truth. I kicked and fought all the way up that stage as I was being told I had to play the guitar- and that I didn't have a choice. It turned out ok, yet three songs in I broke a string- and I have no idea where I'll be able to get that fixed.

But the important part of this day was not the program, or in what ways I had to step out... it was that afterwards my friends and I were swarmed by students who wanted to talk one on one, confess some of the things they were doing, and even commit their lives to Jesus. I personally prayed for 4 girls to bring Jesus into their hearts-- and let me tell you, their desire was legit. Amazing things are happening here in South Africa.


Another update to come soon- we're off to another high school in ten minutes to do a skit.

Can You Feel the Mountains Tremble, Can You Hear the Ocean's Roar?

Have faith, have courage, for my eyes have been made to see many wonders. Take a Breath. Creation is longing for the day it is healed. My eyes need to see for my heart to begin to comprehend. I have been made this way—to appreciate and to wonder at what is hidden behind the mountains. Praise God.

Cape Town, South Africa is the most beautiful place in my world. This is saying quite a lot, because I have seen the sunrise on Australian beaches, the stars shine over secluded lakes in the bush, and I live in the green heart of Eden itself. Still, I have to say that South Africa really is the most beautiful place my eyes have seen—yet. I step out the front door of the YWAM base and all I can see is enormous mountains and acres of vineyards. The sky is twice as big as it is in Montana and the clouds- oh man, the clouds! We drove by the beach yesterday, the sand rolling white like snow. Ah man—it was amazing.

I apologize for the informality and vagueness of this post, but I am beginning to accept that there is no possible way to describe these experiences in words of any language. Nonetheless, I will try- bear with.

The only thing that has proven itself to be more beautiful than the countryside is the children. During my time here I have been spending nearly every day working in the streets, cooking and feeding meals to the kids on the streets or teaching lessons and doing programs in schools. Let me tell you I have never experienced a love and acceptance like these kids show us. I don’t know if it’s because we are white, have a smile on our face, or if they can discern something different about us, but the second we walk into the communities we are swarmed by children wanting to hug us, hold our hands and touch us.

They speak a mix of languages, and English is often thrown in, nonetheless I’ve learned to sing several songs and say some phrases in their tongue—which the love and laugh at when we sing with them. This is a singing and dancing culture! Oh man, we will put on some music and it will be one giant dance party on the African plains (and quite frankly the little one’s put us white folks to shame with their dance moves!) Much to my…delight…*cough*… we discovered early on that the school children here LOVE High School Musical, and when they find out we’re from America, they always want to know if we’ve met the cast. Well, my team and I figured “If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em” So we learned the High School Musical dance and we perform and teach it at the beginnings of our program. Who knew I would be using High School Musical to minister in Africa?!

We stay on a YWAM base with 36 nationalities represented. Other than our team, there are only 2 North Americans amongst the 200 people living on base. Talk about beautiful diversity. When we have base gatherings there are so many different languages being spoken at once, it’s overwhelming! All 8 of the girls on my team room together along with the girls from a Switzerland outreach team, who is serving with us. We have been getting along great with the Swiss team, they are a lovely group of people, and I enjoy getting to know and performing with them. I can also say I’ve never eaten so much chocolate in my life. (P.S. The USA has by far the worst selection of candy and chocolate I have come across. South Africa has delicious chocolate!)

Yesterday we drove 2 hours into the peaks of the mountains to run a 3 hour program at a vineyard school. The building was too small to fit us, so we all moved outdoors to the light sprinkle of rain and danced in the mud. (I was wearing my brand new shoes, so I left them in the car and worked in the mud barefoot—have I mentioned that my feet are ALWAYS dirty?!?!) We brought shoes, socks and snacks for the kids and they were so greatful to receive cheese and crackers while stylin in their brand new converse kicks! There was a language barrier, for the kids were too young to have learned any English yet, but my fellow Young Life leaders back home will smile to hear that the skit ‘People With Shirts Over Their Heads’ breaks ANY language barrier! We were singing a song that says “One day, we’ll all be in heaven together. Praise God, Praise God, for He makes me happy forever” in Affrikans, and I just had to stop and breathe. I was standing in the middle of the mountains in Africa, surrounded my smiling, shivering African children, singing silly songs in a different language and watching a mother Baboon carry her baby on her back a few meters down the road. I am living in a season of blessing—and I want to soak in every minute of it.

As we were leaving, a 6 year old boy ran up to me, took my hand and kissed my cheek. He felt my hands were cold so he covered my fingers with his tiny palms and rubbed back ‘n forth to try and warm them. Meanwhile a little girl noticed I had a cut on my foot, so she ran and got a wet cloth and cleaned it for me—despite my insistence of her not to. As we drove away under the double rainbow in the sky, the children chasing us down the road in their new shiny shoes, I had to wonder: Who felt more loved today, the kids, or me?

My head is still swimming with questions—this exchange of affirmation shouldn’t have made sense today—yet it was the most natural thing in the world. Like breathing air after holding my breath and wondering why I haven’t been doing it all along.

--You can find weekly updates on my South Africa team at ywamnow.com

On to Outreach!

I can't believe it's already been three months. Three months away from home, three months in Australia, three months living in this new family. The time seems so short, but looking back, I see how enriched my time has been and so when I look forward to the next two months in South Africa, it seems like an eternity.

This transition is bitter-sweet. The other two outreach teams have already left, and the house is terribly empty. The April DTS school started today, we are moved out of our rooms and no longer have responsibilities in the kitchen. It's a time for change-- needed, anticipated and slightly reluctant change. Our goodbye's to the Fiji and Iraq team was emotional, even though we'll see each other again in June. I guess we've all grown so accustomed to being just the next bunk or room over whenever we needed each other. We are best friends and family, we fight and love each other, but most of all we've been here to watch and experience this time in each other's lives of significant growth and discovery. I had to fight back tears when I hugged my close friend and fellow kitchenworker, Kim, goodbye. Kim will not return after outreach, for she will be flying home to walk in her high school graduation. She has been one of the most important people in my life during this season, and now I don't know when--if ever-- I will see her again. But I know she, like I, will be great. :) Greatness is upon the shoulders of those who will accept it.

My heart is on the verge of breaking. I think it's been at this tipping point for a long time, and I have a feeling that some experience in South Africa will finally push me over the edge. I'm ready for it. I'm ready for my heart to be softened.

A note for my prayer warriors back home!
1.) I love you heaps! I know I am protected, encouraged and energized because of your prayers. The thought of what could have, or could NOT have happened without your prayers scare me-- so keep going! If there's one thing I've learned here, it's the importance and power of intercession; I am blessed to have you fighting on my behalf daily.

So here are some prayer requests~
- health and safety
- safe, unstressful travels from location to location
- that God's favor and hand rests on us, and we are constantly used by the Holy Spirit to do the unimaginable!
- Every member of my team wears a bracelet with 6 beads on it, each representing something we will pray into for our team and time in S.A. daily. These are:
- Persistance
- The children in the vineyard schools in SA
- UNITY
- Healings/miracles
- Compassion
- Love/ seeing through God's eyes
- Also pray that God will speak to me, and CONFIRM some of my thoughts and feelings about what I should do next fall after I return home from DTS. Outreach is an awesome time to discovery the next step in my journey.

Suprarationality

There are times when you choose to believe something that would normally be considered absolutely irrational. It doesn't mean that it is actually irrational, but it surely is not rational. Perhaps there is suprarationality: reason beyond the normal definitions of fact or data-based logic; something that only makes sense if you can see a bigger picture of reality. Maybe that is where faith fits in. -The Shack


I believe in this. My belief may be irrational to you, but it is my belief not yours, so it's ok, we can still share a cuppa sometime. I believe that my friend Sai can get thousands of dollars in two days from complete strangers and can get the near-impossible approval of a South Africa visa and be on the plane with us in just 11 days. Irrational? No. Faith.

One of my friend's mom is at home dying of cancer. Surgery after treatment has failed, and things were turning very bad very fast. My school leader said that there was nothing else we could do but pray for her-- so for 15 min we stood up and declared strength over her family and healing over her sickness. Speaking mere words out to thin air meant for someone halfway around the world. Irrational? No. Faith. -- And by the way, 9 days later, this friend got a call that every single new test result came back negative, and the doctors had taken her mother into surgery just to see how this was possible, trying to locate the vanishing cancer. They couldn't find, nor explain it, her cancer was gone. Hmm... maybe there's something to this faith?


For the past 5 weeks, we have been drinking something called "long life milk". This is milk that comes in cartons and can last for several years on the shelf--unrefrigerated. It seems that we are under the belief that we can go on drinking this concoction without any unhealthy side effects. This may sound irrational to you----in fact I hope it does, because quite frankly grabbing unrefrigerated, warm milk for your cereal every morning is irrational in every way, shape and form. That said- I'm moving on...

:)

Free Will

Cue background...

Lights...

Action!

It's a play. One single performance. The curtains opened for us, and here we are on a wooden stage waiting for the curtain call. The director sits in the back booth, headset on to stay connected to the faithful behind-the-scenes workers below. From His chair of power He calls out the cues. His timing is perfect. He wrote each musical number to correlate relationally with each character and prop. Cue light 4. He knows the beginning and the end, for He is author of both, so He carefully guides the stagehands and actors to His timing to make the performance fit together in perfection.

On the stage we are but hard-studied actors. We have been given a script to follow that tells us of the setting, dialogue, lines and blocking. We have memorized the story. We listen for the "go ahead" from the voice above whispered calmly through the headset of the stagehand. Cue Stephanie. Once we step onto the stage it is all on us. We should know the lines, we do know the blocking, and we even have the soft voice of The Director in our ear should we call out "line?" . But really-- we can do what we want now, ya? We can walk where we want, we can say what we want, we may even be led to believe these little contributions will make the production better! But do we realize that the play was already written and casted for perfection, and by choosing to go our own way we only tamper and sabotage with the grand finale? Is our pride in the spotlight worth the risk of an unrehearsed curtain call?

Finally An Update!

It has been a long past couple of weeks. A lot of lectures, a lot of group activities, learning, growing--it's exhausting!


Last week was amazing. It was a week of financial miracles. My DTS saw over $17,000 come in to go towards our outreaches. A member on my South Africa team got just enough money to purchase her plane ticket only 5 hours before the time cut-off. Personally, I was challenged with my obedience to God, and how much I trust Him, and I found that once I stepped out and was obedient, I was blessed! God provided me with a brand new guitar and hard case for me to bring to South Africa to lead worship for my outreach team. I dare anyone to look me in the face and tell me that God doesn't provide.

Leading worship for my outreach team has been a challenge on my heart a lot lately. I like to play the guitar in private on my own time, but wasn't until the invitation to lead worship during outreach did I ever think about putting the little knowledge and skill I had to lead others. Long process short--I doubted, I ignored but I also heard, loud and clear that this was the ultimate opportunity for me to grow in humility and personally. My friends here have been so encouraging. When I get tired and want to have a day where I don't want to believe, and I don't want to step out in this (or any) challenge, they chase after me! We got each other's backs, for sure!


The past four days we have been learning and ministering in the topic of "lordship". It sounds cliche' yet was one of the most impacting topics for my school. I had a lot of revelations over the past four days-- so many in fact that I would wake up in the middle of the night with one, and then not be able to sleep, and would be exhausted all the next day! One of these revelations is that I struggle with becoming. Not necessarily doubt, obedience or repentence, but becoming! An example of this is my resistance towards playing the guitar in S. Africa. I have been asked to several times, I felt I should, I got a brand new guitar for free, and people kept giving me words of confirmation and affirmation-- yet-- I still hesitated to step into that role. Does it not say in Psalm "Let everything that has breath praise the Lord"? And "Bring EVERYTHING that you are to bless the Lord!" Well I realized that guitar was included in that "everything." If I only knew how to play chords D and C, God would want me to bring to Him praise using just chords D and C! He won't ask me to perform a masterpiece with 30 chords if I only know 2! So with this revelation, I am stepping out into this gift of mine-- however undeveloped it is (but I do know more than 2 chords. Ha!)

I also realized that during DTS God has been teaching me that I'm dangerous. I'm learning to step out of my "cup-of-nice-coffee", complacent, good Christian faith and to discover a new way to be. God doesn't love me anymore that I'm here, but as I grow more radical it brings me more ways to love Him-- and THAT is the essence of humanity in the way it was intended and created. A new way of being human-- it's not comfortable, or a destination, but it is a product of what I stand here today as: a day-by-day work of progress! Besides, I'd rather be dangrous and radical and travel the globe seeing out of the ordinary things than sit in my comfortable faith waiting for the next hoop to jump through!


One more week left of lectures: Kingdom of God, then a final week of outreach prep. and I'm off!

Where there's a Heart, there's a Way

Since my time here, I have had conversations with people from Australia, Fiji, Germany, Canada, England, Scotland, Samoa, New Zealand, Ireland and Iraq; all who have lived in this house with me for a week or more. With each encounter I have with these people, another layer of pre-conceived perception is peeled away from my world view. The scales on my eyes are falling off. It’s the most refreshing and renewing experience. As the size of the world shrinks, so does the self, thus relationships and God grow larger, until ultimately every part of me is consumed with the realization of “more”. I want to know more, I want to do more, for it’s a small world after all.

I have heard many conflicting opinions on Americans from people across the world, and I have come with this temporary theory: The westerners are blinded by materialism while the east can’t see past their traditions. Both of these lifestyles are equally crippling, I think. But I am part of a vision, a vision much larger than myself, yet tangible enough for me to carry on my own two feet: the vision of breaking out of this mold and redefining what it means to live in community. Not everything is self-attained.

It has always been a desire of mine to travel, maybe do missions or some schooling overseas; it wasn’t until these past two weeks where my desire possibly matured into a life calling. I saw some pictures of the areas we will be living in while in South Africa, it’s not tribal areas as I expected, but slums—little shacks made of pieces of scrap metal leaned together. I saw a video taken by a girl who was there last year of a 7 year old African boy running through these slums kicking a ball when suddenly he stops, hops on one foot , pulls a shard of glass from his other foot, tosses it aside, wipes the blood on his chest and keeps running. This picture pierced my heart like the glass itself--ever since seeing this, empathy and sympathy has been spilling from my heart for the people of other nations. We intercede against infanticide, and I feel my own heart takes personal offense; I see video clips of Ecuador tribes, hear personal testimonies from the slaves of Indonesia and hear of mercy mission opportunities around the world and my heart jumps a beat. Each story I hear is fuel, growing this passion inside me to be more real.

Don’t worry mom and dad- I’m not planning on running off and living in an Amazon tribe or anything. And college is still in the back of my mind for sure, but my eyes are being opened, my feet are finding opportunities to move, and I have a feeling that after this awakening they will never stand still again.

A phrase that has randomly popped into my head on more than one occasion is: “Humbled by dirt.” I believe that this phrase both reflects my character- as I am one who prefers the outdoors to a building or manmade structure any day- and who I am yet to become. I want to live humbled by dirt. Our society has used the ground only as a block on which to build up from. Many live suspended above this dirt while others have it under their fingernails and rely on living from the dirt and not over the dirt. Since I’ve been in Australia, my feet seem to be permanently dirty. The dust from camping, sand from the beach and grease from the kitchen just won’t come off. My roommates and I had a night where we all washed and manicured our feet, only for them to be a dark grey by the next night. And you know what? I’m totally comfortable with this. Yesterday I went trekking barefoot for hours down a rock cliff with a couple other girls. By the time we got back, the barnacles and crevices of the rocks had cut into our feet, leaving them raw, bleeding and burnt from the hot surfaces. We had to painfully scrub out the sand in the saltwater of the sea, but after a day of healing, our feet had callused over, and though they remain filthy, they are stronger. For a small price, Kim, Erika, Sai and I were able to see a part of the forest and ocean that no one else had laid eyes on that day, and because of it, we will be able to journey even farther next time. This is how I want to live-- with feet that are callused and trekking forward, sincerely humbled by dirt.

South Africa Outreach Team!

SOUTH AFRICA !
MID APRIL - MID JUNE I WILL BE ON OUTREACH
DTS Outreach is a time where we get to put into practice what we
have learned on the DTS Lecture Phase. While in Africa I will be
staying and working with the local YWAM Bases in Jeffries Bay and
Worcester. We will be participating in ministry opportunities such as:
working in orphanages, working in slums, doing prison evangelism,
working with local churches, working with street children and
participating in the local YWAM Base Life.
The cost of the outreach will range somewhere between
$3500-4000 AU.
Would you please pray for our team as we need to see God
provide a total of about $28,000 AU for all 9 team members to be able
to go. We have 4 weeks to see Gods provision come in! This might
make some squirm, but we are excited to see Gods goodness and
faith fullness come upon us.
Please stay tuned for more details about my outreach and our
finances.

Best Valentines Day Ever!

(starting from the left: Isaiah, Danny, Joel, Zack, Corwin) These boys made this the best Valentines day of my life! I woke up two hours early this morning to ring my mom, and when I opened my door I was confronted with a maze of streamers and cling wrap taped to my door holding in heaps of red and pink balloons. Each balloon had a message written on it: "You're beautiful, or, God has blessed me by putting you in my life in this way __, etc." I laughed and sneaked my way through it, trying not to break any of it so the other girls could see it! When I walked into the dining hall, I was surprised to see a long table decorated with candles, fruit cups, yogurt and granola, and juice. The boys had woken up at 6:00am to make us girls breakfast for Valentines day, and I had walked in on their surprise! We joked a bit, then I called up my mom and watched them as they continued to set up in 'secret' and make chocolate chip and banana pancakes.
At 8, they boys went up and woke up the other girls and we all sat down to a BEAUTIFULLY set table as the boys served us breakfast. Now--this is a very important note--None of us have eaten anything other than Wheat Bix cereal every single morning since we've been in Australia. For the first time we dined on the delicacy of pancakes, fresh watermelon, bananas, oranges, cantaloupe, and grapes with yogurt and granola and fresh Australian brekky juice. Oh-My-Gosh- we felt so blessed!!!!! It was so good! And I can't begin to imagine how much these boys (who thought up this all by themselves, without any knowledge of their leaders!) spent on all the food!
While we were eating, the boys got up one by one (they were dressed fancy too!) and told us why they did this for us, and that they view and love us as their own sisters, and that they wanted to be here to carry our bags, protect us, and make us feel as beautiful as we are! (those are their words!) Then they went around and took our orders for lattes, and made us lattes--another rarity. Finally, the guys got up again, and told us that the night before they had stayed up praying for each one of us INDIVIDUALLY and getting a word for each one of us, and they were writing it down in a letter for each one of us. They stayed up until 2:30am doing this, and they woke up at 6:00am-- not much sleep!

Anyways, I know I sound like a mushy girl over all of this, but it absolutely redefined my expectations of how I will be viewing guys in the future. They upped the bar like no other! Throughout the day, when I would be by myself, they would take away my dishes or bring me a cookie or something, and just sit and ask me how my day was going, and what my feelings about the past week were. -- And the coolest thing is, they have this shivery daily! They really do, I have never felt so respected by a guy before in my life. So rest assure dad! You warned me there would be guys in Australia, and you can rest easy because my brothers are taking good care of me for the right reasons!

So I had a special day, and more importantly I grew even deeper in my friendship with the guys here. We ended the day by the girls coming together and buying nearly a dozen pizzas, chips and ginger beer, rented a manly movie, and gave up the upstairs for the guys to have their "Bro-town". Ha! I realize I didn't come here for little surprises and days like this. But it's these things that will make this season of my life incredibly memorable. I really do feel like these people with me are my sisters and brothers. I don't have a big brother-- but if I did, I'd want him to treat me as these 5 guys do. :)

That's all!

(this pic was taken after half the girls ran through it!)

--I know I've been posting a lot on things that seem irrelevant to my purpose of being here. But so much is happening that I dare not attempt to restrain with words and it's the weekend, and I would love to share these happy little moments I encounter with anyone who would like to read them. So there ya go!--

Camping Trip Revolution!

1.) These feet, dirty and cut are going to SOUTH AFRICA!
I had the options of spending a month in Sydney, then a month in Iraq, or a month in the Outback followed by a month in Fiji, or two months spent in South Africa. I can honestly say it was one of the hardest decisions of my life. The prospect of ministering to the Aborigines in the Outback, and the islanders of Fiji is so cool and exotic! And of course the mystery and risk of going over borders into Iraq to help those people have (and does) appeal to me very, very much. I spent the week of camping praying about which location God wanted to send me to, and asking Him to give me a heart for the people of that country. Surprisingly, He answered quite strongly- and after assuring me that He would use me no matter where I went, I knew South Africa was in store for me. I accepted this with open arms. I'm so excited that I am spending two entire months in this country with 8 others, feeding the hungry, praying in hospitals, and working in youth prisons. I admit I was shocked at first that the other two locations (who spend the first month pioneering Youth Street in Australia) was not a strong pull for me. I thought God called me to Australia specifically to work with the Youth and the improve my skills in youth discipleships-- but, this week I came to the awakening that perhaps God wants to take me away from that to work on me- to enlarge my heart and compassion and my personal strength instead of pouring into more youth directly. And what better place to break and rebuild a heart than in South Africa. 2.) This is a Goanna. The giant lizard of Australia averaging about 4 feet long. The raccoons of the Bush! These are curious creatures, and will rip apart tents to get to food, I learned. Their tails are sharp enough to rip through skin and they can be aggressive. Luckily, the ones I came into contact with while camping (all 30+ of them!) were easy enough to chase away, and no one got hurt. I did touch one though!
-- Also saw heaps of Dingos. These dogs are also curious, yet can attack. They would sneak into our camp at night and either be chased away with giant sticks by the boys, or run off with our shoes, rubbish, or in my unique case- an entire backpack full of 2 weeks worth of food! (I was so mad! They dragged off an entire backpack full of my tent mate's and my food!!)

3.) We stayed at a beautiful, secluded lake site for 8 days. It was a 2.5 mile hike in from the dirt road. The first 5 days it was very hot, and on Saturday the news said that Sydney/Newcastle Australia was the hottest location on the entire planet that day! Ahh! It was the most hardcore camping experience of my life, but I loved it! It was the ideal location for me to build honest relationships with my friends here, and to dive deeper into who I am and how I relate to this Creator of mine. It was awesome! The talks, worships, quiet times and lectures are going to be lifetime highlights! 4.) Towards the end of the week, we had a terrible storm. It hit us at nightfall during a lecture; the rain came down so hard and we were swallowed in thunder and lightning! Everyone got soaked running in the dark in complete chaos trying to secure tents, food and keeping our tarp-structure upright! Luckily, after camp was secure, a few friends and I were invited into the speakers tent to enjoy a cuppa (warm drink) and talk until the rain died down (see below pic). After the storm it rained and was cold for 2 days, and another storm system was making its way in so we came back a day early. But the weather made it memorable, and brought us some best friends, so it was worth it! (I have a lot more stories, and if you'd like to hear more specific ones email me!)

P.S.) Some of you may have heard on the news about the bush fires in Victoria, Australia. They are south of us, and didn't affect us physically, however the fires have had a huge impact on all of Australia.-- These fires are the biggest natural disaster in Australian history, so far taking the lives of 300 people. My school took a night to pray and intercede for the victims; and I encourage you to keep the people of Australia in your prayers as well.

Week3

This morning I woke up at 5:00am for no apparent reason. Since I had to run in half an hour anyways I decided to not go back to sleep, and now I'm feeling the consequences of that. This morning when I gathered my things for the shower, I stumbled upon my razor and sliced my finger deeply. (I know mom, I should have learned from your Mexico story!) Then when I went down to breakfast we were out of milk for cereal, we didn't have fruit, and we were out of peanut butter and butter for toast. So it was toast with vegemite! Ick! Because of this, my friend from the UK, Becca, and I treated ourselves to some fish 'n chips in town during our lunch break. It tasted fantastic! For dinner we decided to ditch recipes and cook lasagna, salad and garlic bread. It should be good, and I'm excited for that!



We have been learning on relationships during teachings this week. It's cool to see it immeaditly applied with the people we live with here. We're starting to get really close, and I enjoy the fun conversations I get to have with my fellow kitchen workers. Learning about relationships this week has also made me realize how utterly blessed I am to have such amazing family and friends. So, thank you all! Your presence in my life is a huge part of who I am, and I'm proud of that!



Next week I head off for a 10 day camping trip on an island by the bay. Have no idea what to expect, should be heaps of fun! I'm really excited. Pray that no spiders or nasty insects find me while I'm there--I'm a little worried about that.



Some prayer requests:

- I've had a nasty sensitive tooth for a while now, and though I don't notice it often because I never drink or eat anything that cold, it still bothers me sometimes.

- Outreach locations have been on my mind. I don't know when I'll know the locations, but pray that God starts putting a nation on my heart now!

- There's been a couple girls get really sick already, one was taken to the hospital last night for stroke symptoms, but I think she is ok no.

- Safety in the kitchen! (there has been lots of accidents in the past)

- Safety while camping! ( and that God keeps the bugs away from me!)

God Resides in the Most Humble of Places

There is no air conditioning here--I eat the same cereal every breakfast, and have last night's dinner leftovers for every lunch. The drinking water is straight from the tap, and is ALWAYS room temp if not warmer, and most of the food we get has either just expired or is bulk flow over. I have not had a chip, cookie or anything resembling a snack since I've been here (except for bread and apples.) I miss paper towels and napkins more than ANYTHING! I haven't seen any yet. But as Nanny told me: "I went to Australia, not Heaven."
Although I know God lives in my heart-- I'm pretty sure he has a vacation home in Oz, and it's called Lewis House.

The dining room! The kitchen. ( I spend heaps of time here)

The Hub. (Just to hang out-- we never do, it gets too hot)

My bedroom! (Bottom bunk is mine- notice how the sun shines directly through the window. Lovely.)

Lewis House: aka my aussie home.

Feelin the Heat

Today I'm a bit discouraged. The heat is really getting to me and my entire back, chest and face is burnt and itchy. There is no air conditioning in any of our housing or kitchen (only in the lecture hall) so sleeping is uncomfortable and sticky too. I go through at least two outfits a day because I sweat through them, or get them dirty during chores and I cannot do laundry because I have absolutely no cash, and cannot get any more until my credit/ATM card arrives in the mail.

I got to sleep in until 6:30am this morning, because I did not have morning run today and I had showered last night. The extra hour of sleep was a blessing. I was also excited because today is Wednesday, meaning it's a base worship and intercession prayer day! -- But it turned out that they cancelled worship, and instead we went down to a giant warehouse that my base recently purchased and is constructing into a youth center. I spent 3 hours there scraping off the rust and peeling the siding off of train boxcars that will be painted and turned into offices. Except for the 100 degree heat, it wasn't too bad of a job. But it was dirty! Danny, Live, Christina and I kept each other fine company during the task. A bunch of rusted metal did fall on my head though-- luckily it wasn't at all heavy, so I wasn't hurt, I only had pieces of dust and metal in my hair and eyes for a bit, but it came out all alright!

I also sat through a 2 hour "lecture" about the runnings of Youth Street. I kinda had a bad attitude during this because they were restating what they had said during orientation. It was literally one of those things that they could have EASILY said in 15-20 minutes, but instead it took ages. I wish I could say that I learned something new. But I really didn't. HOWEVER- tonight we're having a lecture on the Fear of the Lord, and this speaker I really admire, and I'm excited to hear about this topic. So the boring stuff should be over!

For dinner tonight, Faith, Kim, Brooke and I made Roast Beef w/ mashed potatoes and gravy with cooked carrots and green beans. We peeled heaps of potatoes. Heaps. Also, our food shipment from the Food Bank came in, and we had to carry in all the boxes and put it away in the kitchen which was a much larger task than I could have guessed. We had to do all the dishes from lunch, and on top of all of this, the health inspector is coming tomorrow, so, of course, we had to fix the kitchen up as well! It's been a long, hot, dirty day.

I just got up to get my laptop charger, and a staff member named Kate (who I've only said a few words with) pulled me into the back of the kitchen, and shared with me a secret banana split that she had just bought and made. It tasted so good. It was the first time I have had ice cream or something that cold since I've been here. It has made my day heaps better! I am tired and a bit discouraged over today, but even so, I enjoy being here. I'd rather go through hard days like this and be here, than to spend easy days elsewhere. So if you could keep me in your prayers for my strength daily, an open attitude and for me to show some heart towards Youth Street, that would be sick! (sick = "awesome" in Oz)

And that was my Wednesday!

Contact Info.

I can receive mail at:

PO Box 162
The Junction NSW 2291
AUSTRALIA

I can receive phone calls at: 4960 2615

I can receive faxes at: + (02) 4968 1992

Beach Day!

Sunday I went with a group of girls to a popular beach just out of town. We took the bus there, had to walk through town and a carnival, but we got to the beach and had a ton of fun! This is me, Jenna, Lizzie and Shayla.

Roomies at the carnival!

I learned some very important things today:

1.) There is a hole in the ozone layer above Australia. Meaning- the sun is very intense, and even if you put on lotion, you will burn!

2.) When ordering a banana milkshake in Australia, this means that you are ordering a frothy, cold milk drink with banana flavor. This is much like a cold tea instead of a milkshake. When wanting an american style milkshake, you must order a "thick shake".

3.) Subways down under do not have pepper jack cheese. Nor do they even know what banana peppers or pepperchinis are. They do not use the word "peppers" so green peppers are chachoai. (have NO idea how to spell that word!)

4.) Nothing is more fun than swimming in the ocean with friends in Australia!!!!!!

A few pics

My friend Danny from Tazmania (Australia)-- In this picture he's trying to be asian, he doesn't really have a mushtash, he drew that on! He's a funny guy! A wallabee! (much like a kangaroo)

Koala Bear!

My friend Sarah from England, and I!

Some people from my DTS during our nature walk. Starting from the left: Zack (from pennsylvania), Shayla (my roommate from Canada), in the back we have Joel from Canada, Jenna (from Ohio), Becca (from England), Faith (from New Jersey), crouching in Jess (another roommate from New Jersey), Katelyn and finally Danny (tazmania)

Animal sighting!!!

Today the temp. reached 109 degrees, yet we decided to go to a park to have a picnic anyways! I had a great time, a group of the DTS took off for a nature walk, and I got to see emus, kangaroos and even koala bears! I was so excited! We ate some burgers and mystery bags (sausages)-- oh, and I found a spider that's just smaller than the length of my hand! Ew.

We had lectures on praise, worship and evangelism. The usual topics to get us off and going, I think. During the evangelism lecture it was announced that every thursday from here out we will be going to a local mall, the midpoint of the adolescent hang-out. There we will have the opportunity to invite young people to Youth Street, strike up conversations and let them know about God. I feel a little uneasy about this, not only is it out of my comfort zone, but it seems so impersonal and I don't know how to take it. But, I feel that way about many things here, but I'm totally open to difference. I'm going to keep my heart and mind open to all these new things to see what God has to show me, I guess.

Tonight I along with 5 others made dinner for 100 people. Fresh cut salad and spaghetti with meatballs. Let me just tell you that if you have never experienced cooking over a giant stove for two straight hours in a non-airconditioned kitchen in 109 degree heat-- it's not that easy! Despite the heat, I did have some fun though... I plugged in my iPod and jammed out to Jack Johnson and Bob Marley; the other workers say I have great taste in 'kitchen working' music. Yep. That's right! So, this is now my job for the rest of my time here in Newcastle. Every single day for two hours I work in the kitchen to prepare dinner, then assist with the dishes afterwards. Also, in the mornings directly after breakfast I am sent outside to do yard work. I don't mind these chores yet, but they keep my busy!

There's a thunder and lightning storm going on right now. The rain is hot and the lightning reflects off the black/purple clouds. It's beautiful. I hope it continues throughout the night to cool off tomorrow and to give me music to fall asleep to.

Day 2

I live in a house with about 60 other people. I'm not sure about the final count, because the number changes nightly. I have about 25 students in my DTS and 6 to 8 staff members, but the staff members from the Oct. and April DTS also live here. So do their families. Some of the youth from Youth Street, called "the crew" stay here too sometimes. The hostel I live in is a home to children, youth, elderly, and missionaries from all over the world who needs a place to crash for a few weeks. I have met people from England, Canada, Germany, Fiji and New Zealand, so, naturally the base is full of different kinds of accents. Every next person you talk to has a different accent-- this can be confusing and also amusing. Although there are lots of Aussie's and Kiwi's (New Zealanders) around, it doesn't feel like I'm in an Australian culture, but a unique sub-culture. We eat dinner and mock each other's way of speaking and the lingo used.I'm really starting to like it here.

It's so crazy how intentional God is about every aspect of life. Today I realized that being a Young Life leader has prepared me so well for this specific YWAM base. We put on Youth Street, which is just like the Australian version of Young Life on steroids. Every Saturday from noon to 9pm we cater to the youth of Newcastle, we have activities for them, dinner, worship, lesson, bible studies and small groups. For some of the youth, the older ones called "the crew", we will help equip them for a short outreach of their own. There are five teams that serve these youth, a surf team, sports team, music, art, skateboarding and dance team. My first choice would to be on the music team. I don't really know why I want this, because I can't sing, or play the guitar well enough to assist in leading worship, however, I want to grow in the musical area of my life. I just do! So I hope I get on that team. If not, I'd be fine with surf (cause I could just play on the beach) or sports team. I don't really know what to expect from Youth Street, I'm already ahead of a lot of my fellow students, because all of the training of how to deal with minors I had gone through with Young Life, so I'm glad God has prepared me for this role! Just hearing about Youth Street made me feel tired... I hope it won't actually be like that! Every morning I wake up at 6:00am because the sun shines through my window, and tomorrow morning I have a prayer meeting. Not sure what that is-- but I figure I should get some sleep tonight. :)